A Lesson Is Learned

. . . but the damage is irreversible.

Sometimes, like crime, experimental meal-making doesn't pay.

Take, for example, the yogurt I ate for a snack last night.

We bought discounted yogurt last week. My wife and I both love yogurt. As we were learning to live together, my wife and I developed an understanding that when there's a food in the house we both like, we both get half of it. More than often, my half is gone, and my wife's half sits there, tempting me, and waiting for its expiration date to arrive.

Sometimes, I cave. I figure, if it's going to expire tomorrow, it's fair game.

It isn't.

As a result, I've been in plenty of monochrome single-tear-running-down-my-cheek-whilst-violin-music-sadly-plays moments watching food hit the garbage can because my wife was "saving it for later" just a week or two too long. I understand the merit of "saving it for later." I just think everyone would be a lot happier if my wife could come around to think of me as "saving the day" by eating food before it goes off. A pre-expiration date superhero. I could even get a cape and theme song.

But, back to last night's yogurt.

This particular yogurt sat in the fridge for about a week after we'd bought it discounted, so my wife got me to try it to see if it was still okay. It tasted fine to me. Her more-refined olfactory senses disagreed.

But I hate throwing out food. It really, really, really annoys me. So, I decided to find a way to make the only-slightly-off yogurt taste better.

The best yogurt I've ever had was lemon-flavored, so I added some lemon and honey. That didn't work. I enjoy honey lemon ginger tea, so I added some ginger powder to it. A lot of ginger powder. And I got my wife to taste it. She strongly encouraged me to throw it out.

Did I throw it out? No I did not.

Am I paying for it today? Yes I am. As is anyone who has to use the toilet after me.

I survived okay for 26 years before I was married. So why is it now that my wife's the only one of us who knows that you shouldn't eat expired dairy?

Sometimes, my wife jokingly asks me when I'll learn that she always knows what's best for me. Some days, I feel like that joke's not that funny.